Gods Indescribable Peace

A few weeks ago, our pastor preached a sermon talking about the sisters "Mary and Martha" in the Bible. I am very familiar with these two sisters, I did a bible study a few years ago by Jo Anna Weaver " Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" I remember at that time in my life, I was definitely a Martha and longed to be Mary. I love that Mary knew the importance of sitting at Jesus's feet and soaking him all in and listening to every word he said,while Martha was the hostess with the mostest making sure everything was perfect for him and all their guest, cooking, cleaning, decorating, rummaging in the cabinets for the finest linens and the best china and oh dont forget preparing the most delicious meal.I am TOTALLY this type, and then I too,like Martha get upset that no one is helping they are having the most meaningful conversations and enjoying the moment instead of stressing and about to have a mental meltdown or as I like to say Im about to Snap" I feel like most women who are Moms feel this way, we are all running around inserting ourselves in all circles doing a million things at a time and when we do sit down we are mentally drained, physically exhausted and still thinking what needs to be done. I have always had this type of personality, I feel guilty if Im not involved. I try to justify by saying this is how God made me and that is true but he also wants me to rest and soak in his presence. When we lived outside of St Louis, Missouri,Life was good and we were certainly blessed beyond with the new friends we had made and our wonderful church and our sweet sweet school and all the people that came into our lives. As a family, we were faced with many many challenges and as a Mom I thought I can handle this, I can do it all and not many people knew what we were even going through. I didnt want people to think something was wrong or that I was not capable of handling everyday life with more problems than one can count health issues and diagnosis that I was afraid to talk about because you might not think my life was perfect like I pretended it to be. We had moved away from all of our family and friends, did not know one person. Chuck had taken a new job where he was traveling every week out of town and our boys were 4 1/2 and 2 I was so fearful, here I am 5 hours away from family and my "village" to being by myself most days with these 2 precious boys. It seemed like every other week one of us were sick, or a trip to the ER to get one of them stitches, more serious diagnosis came, it was non stop, I could seriously write a book. We met some of our closest friends while living there who truly became our extended family, our new village and oh how THANKFUL I was and still am for these precious people. We were being attacked on so many levels. I have had a relationship with Jesus Christ since I was a child but when we were going through all of this I remember really questioning my faith, questioning If he heard my prayers and my cries? I remember talking to a friend one day when I thought I was at my breaking point and she said Shannon, just surrender it all, all your worries, all your fears, all your thoughts, lay it down at his feet.He wants to hear from you, He wants to take them all from you.In all honesty I thought he truly doesnt care to hear from me so I kept it inside and tried and tried to handle it myself. Living that Martha life. A few years go by and seemed like things had calmed down or maybe we just got accustomed to it and thought it was normal. Our boys were so busy with school, baseball and their friends, we were running nonstop and had grown so much in our faith and were very involved in the church where we were members. In the book of John in the bible, John 10:10 says" The theif only comes to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. I truly believed thats what was going on. I was so happy, loved being with my husband and boys and all that they were involved in. I was involved in circles at church, in my neighborhood and with sweet friends from all different pockets, I was so happy living life but I know satan saw that and said nope, this one is to happy, to involved and is sharing to much of Christ love and light and growing closer every day to him so guess what, anxiety and panic attacks came on with a vengeance, I had no idea what was going on with me so I hid it for awhile to where I could not hide it any longer, I stopped socializing with friends,stopped attending church and doing all of the things that I truly loved and I was so fearful of something happening to me and my family so I stayed home my safe place, it wasnt really my safe place , I had so many dark and hopeless thoughts .I had a close group of friends that noticed something was off and we met one morning and I told them what was going. I went to several different doctors and had so many test done and they would say its anxiety and panic attacks, I remember saying I dont have these, I have everything under control. What do I have to be anxious about? Guess what Martha, I mean Shannon, sit down, focus on me, surrender it to me. I had seen the scripture in Psalm 46:10 that says Be still and know that I am God over and over and every where. He was reminding me so many times but I was to focused on what was wrong and what other diagnosis could I have because in my mind I thought people with anxiety and panic attacks were people who were weak BOY was I wrong!!! Anxiety and panic attacks are not for the weak! You have to come to the realization that you can not do this on your own that you need someone to help you, someone who understands. I remember I was scheduled for a church staff meeting and I knew I just couldnt make it that day, I felt like my life was spiraling out of control. I could not even lay down to rest, my mind was all over the place and I was pacing all over the house having the most dreadful thoughts. I remember calling our pastor who was also a personal friend and just said Im not going to be there for the meeting today and he said oh no, is everything ok? and of course I still could not be upfront with him and say no I am struggling, I think Im dying, I have anxiety and panic attacks, I just said I need a date with the Lord just me and him and he said thats a great idea!! Chuck was working and the boys were at school, I remember turning the television off and unplugging the phone, I remember starting off in prayer and the next thing I remember I was face first on the ground sobbing and begging GOD to heal me, to give me peace and for him to take everything I was carrying, holding on to and the thoughts that were so fearful, please Lord just take them all from me and use me in a way that I cant even imagine! It definitely was not a miracle over night but he did give me all I asked for, he has used me and is still using me and I have learned to surrender it all to him, I have learned to depend on him. I have learned to Be still and know He is God (Ps 46:10) I have learned that with GOD all things are possible (Matthew 19:26) I still have days where anxiety wants to rear its ugly head but I totally give it to God and know without a doubt that He will take care of me, He reminds me that I am his and He is mine. When we go through tough times and messy situations, God always has a message for us and if we are willing to listen and call on HIM, you will discover a indescrible peace that only He can give, He says in John 16:33 I have said these things to you that in me you may have peace, in the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world. I have learned in this mess, that he loves me, he gives me his peace that can calm any storm and he is in control I am not. I will honestly admit that I am still working on being like Mary but Martha is in my blood. If you are struggling with anxiety and panic attacks and need to talk to someone who truly understands please reach out. In the book of 2 Corinthians in verses 3 and 4 it says Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassionan and the God of all comfort. 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. I can be a friend in your time of need and I can introduce you to the one who will make all things new for you. Like I said I still have my trying days but I definitely know who to call out to and ask for His help and His peace and it is nothing like I have ever experienced before. Gods word is always true and He never breaks a promise, in Deuteronomy 31:8 his promise to us is The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid and do not be discouraged. I promise you are not alone! If you really stop and Be still and listen he will speak to you and direct you. When I was in the thick of it he woke me up at 3:30 am and told me to open my bible to Philippians 4:10-14, at the time it was hard for to decipher but now looking back I am reminded that I have his peace in all circumstances. Thanks for joining on my journey, I am still in need of his peace every single day but it sure is easy to find when all you have to know is, He is with you and all you have to do is ask him. Dont hesistate to give your input on how you find his peace in your life. As for Martha, I mean myself I would love to get some ideas from you as I am finding the stillness in my daily life and knowing that He is GOD and that will never change.